Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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