i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
