Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
