Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
