i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
