I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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