ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
