just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
