i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
