Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How external is "for external use only"?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
