How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
