The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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