Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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