does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
