Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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