My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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