I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
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Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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