I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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