Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
