i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
bring money and cleavage
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
