nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize