So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
