My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
