i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
