Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
