We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
