I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
