Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
