In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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