I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
