She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So vagazzling was a success
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