i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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