we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
