seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
