there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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