i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
