Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
