i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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