I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
