You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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