Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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