Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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