i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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