Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
