i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
