Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
