Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
