Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
