How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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