so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
