you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
