Can i not drive my cunt home
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
