So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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