You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
