I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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