Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
