Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This is my gift to your gina
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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