he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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