I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
