About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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