at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
