That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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