Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
