Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't deserve a penis
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
