I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
