very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
