it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
