shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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