you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
