I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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