I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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