piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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