Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
