believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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