what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
