I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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