my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My bed smells like the plague
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
