I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
