I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
