you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it's great music for shaving your balls
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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