Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
