the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
