Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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