Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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