I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
