I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
