Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
