is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
